This week, while writing…well, I didn’t do much writing this week. I have been out doing that “living a life” thing. I headed East from Chicago to Philadelphia, New York City, and New Jersey, where I’m lucky to have family and lifelong friends. And pretzels.
I didn’t even take my laptop.
I did though, take my Kindle, my iPhone (hello, on-going lists!), and my army of notebooks and pens. Because even when I’m not writing, I’m a writer.
So, let’s kick this into a collaborative effort.
Below, I’ve pasted a link to a draft of my potential first scene for my possible novel four. Please note the qualifiers. DRAFT. POTENTIAL. POSSIBLE. You might read this novel in 2019 or so, and not recognize it. Hell, I might not recognize it, but this is, indeed, it’s seedling.
Remember, if these were the first pages of a published novel, you’d have seen a cover to set the mood. You’d have read back cover copy, or at least have it available to you. You may have read reviews, talked to friends, or “heard” about the book in one of eleventy-seven different ways one hears about books.
But you have none of that. (It would be fair to mention here, that THIS is what agents (and some editors) do every day. They read blind. Cue the makes-no-literal-sense music!)
THIS IS ABOUT SETTING EXPECTATIONS.
Another time, we can talk about living up to those expectations.
Tell me, Women’s Fiction Writers, do these pages set specific expectations for this story?
That’s what you need to know for your own stories, as well.
I’m putting this out there because it’s one of the main issues of my writing clients. And because it’s a main issue for me, but since I know about it, I’m able to address it before my agent, editors, and readers get their hands on it.
Until now.
Amy xo
P.S. Want feedback on the first scene of your work-in-progress from the WFW community? First, it must be women’s fiction. Second, you must agree to have a thick skin. Third, you must email me at womensfictionwriters@gmail.com with your name and Vonnegut in the subject line, and offer it up as if it’s your first born (and it might be)! All I ask is for a quick blurb/elevator pitch so I can determine if it falls under the women’s fiction umbrella as I define it. I’ll choose ONE at random and we’ll go from there. Maybe we’ll do it again. Maybe we’ll do it for eleventy-seven of you! (My blog, my rules.) Hope to hear from you soon!
CLICK TO READ THE FIRST SCENE*
*If you read, please comment. The more the merrier. No judgment. No prizes either.
Yes! My expectations rose simply from the title and the walk through the beach house into the room where the grandmothers were sitting. I love stories about generations, and I expect this is going to be a rich one. The use of five senses helped capture me. I could smell the lavender, and I felt the curtain kiss my cheek. I was wonderfully surprised when the ladies craft project turned out to be revenge on Clark. That set a great tone for the story ahead.
May I pre-order? (insert smiley face emoji)
Thank you for chiming in!! If you’re reading here you’ll certainly be one of the first to know what happens with this story! 🙂
After reading your first scene, I came away with a smile. I think Hannah is in for an interesting summer. With this scene, you have made me see the basics: she is unemployed, recently unattached (much like her ex’s head…or heads) and wide open to whatever the summer will bring. If Boop and her friends live up to my expectations, I think there will be interesting developments in store. Makes me wish I had had a grandmother like Boop. Hope this scene does become book 4. Also, I see that your character has indeed named herself. You had said in an earlier blog that you had resisted the name Hannah but she was insisting. It does seem to fit though.
Beverly,
Thank you! And you’re right! I tried like crazy NOT to name her Hannah, but the scene only came together when I did. I swear, she sighed. I guess I’m just glad she didn’t smack me. 😉
Just read “The Last Bathing Beauty” and I get a sense of quirky characters, but also of the past meets the present. The elderly ladies seem connected to the young woman who has come to stay — they are one. Age does not have a place in this story. It appears to be a story of family, women coming together, and an opportunity for the young women to learn from her mentors/wise women/family. I’m intrigued.
Thank you, Gillian. That’s what I’m going for, and glad you feel I e set expectations. 🙂
Love it already. I love the premise of generations of women supporting each other. The rich details of grandma’s house and her feisty friends sets the stage for how they’re ready to bathe Hannah in the love she needs after a rough break up. I think Hannah will have highs and lows as she recovers and her older friends will commit hi-jinx to help her save herself. Sounds like a situation we’d all like to fall into. Can’t wait to read more!
Hi-jinx, indeed, Kristi! 😉
I loved it, too. Brought to mind “How to Make an American Quilt.” Also made me jealous–I don’t think my new beginnings are that clean. 🙂
Liz,
Believe me, the rest of my draft after chapter one will be a mess, but that’s only possible when I torture myself over the opening pages. I’m setting my own expectations as well. And I’m thinking of this story, right now, of a sort-of mash-up of How To Make An American Quilt (spot on there!), Coyote Ugly, and You’ve Got Mail. I’m not one to think of movie comps intentionally but with this book it just hit me. Thank you for your input! 🙂
I’m ready to read the rest! I think I’m going to get Hannah learning wonderful things from these women at the low point of her life. I’m a sucker for stories like that. And the fact that the title is “The Last Bathing Beauty,” and that her grandmother’s referred to as both Boop and Betty leads me to believe we’re going to learn she’s got quite a past. And probably the rest of the women, too. I’ll be interested to keep up on the progress of this story!
Boop will undoubtedly steal the show. Which could annoy the other ladies! Time will tell (for me too)! Thank you for commenting!
“and held the door jamb as the breeze and the fabric kissed my cheeks and welcomed me,” my favorite image. Yes, a story about to unfold pov-ing a refreshingly not-so-young, young woman and a bevy of older women characters certain to offer and aid Hannah through this crisis-growth time period. I particularly like that the women snipped off the head of Hannah’s boyfriend/boss. Good one, that. I’m more than ready for the next scene!
Thank you, Nancy! Should this book ever come to fruition I’ll tell the story about how I got the head-snipping idea! 😉
I love that it is about women supporting women, with humor some hilarious and some dark. There is a sense of an age old compassion among these women of many different ages. I loved the idea of removing the guys head from every photo.
It was just so real. I have a gaggle of “girl” friends not sure if we would be the older ones but we would enjoy the entire process.
Looking forward to the finished product. I think your on the right track. You have also made me feel guilty that I have procrastinated about the final draft of my work. So perhaps that will get me moving again. Sometimes it’s just too painful.
Wishing you the best.
ML Gomes
ML,
My goal was not to make anyone feel guilty!!! I know what works for me and that is to always be moving forward. I’m not an everyday writer but I am someone who needs to have a story in her head, even if it ends up going nowhere (I have tons of those)! Do what works for you. If you do feel like you’re procrastinating, maybe you can lure yourself back to your manuscript. Let me know if you want some help, as I am a card-carrying procrastinator with most things. :-O
This opening provides a hint of everything to come, character, relationships, past and unknown future. It’s a wonderful reminder that it doesn’t take much to hook a reader as long as the information is specific and purposeful. Everything needed for me to feel grounded is in place and allows me to feel a connection to Hannah, which in turn makes me want to turn the page. Thanks for sharing and for the writing lesson.
Thank you, Jocosa! I learn best by example–both by providing them and by seeing them. I’d hoped it would be like that for others. Out of over 1500 views, you are on if ten commenters so far. :-/
First of all, you are SO BRAVE to put this scene out there, Amy–early writing is so tender and easily bruised! But I was drawn right into your story–I love the sly humor, the pacing, and the expectation that Hannah is going to learn some very important lessons from Boop and her pals. We know just enough about Hannah to wonder what happened–and we can already settle in for a loving, exciting, fast-paced Amy Nathan sort of ride. Nice work!
Holly, my friend!
I’ve always been someone who needs feedback, less for validation than for confirmation. Sometimes I *think* something is working but I’m not quite ready to trust my instincts alone–although I’m getting there. I also like using this space as an interactive tool for everyone and was hoping this would kick that off in a bigger way.
I so appreciate your insight and comment. xoxo
Loved reading this, Amy! Made me want to know how Hannah’s summer will play out with Boop & her friends. They seem like a fun bunch of ladies. On a funny note, I was actually on my way to South Haven for a day trip when I read the excerpt. Thanks!
That’s an amazing coincidence, Angela! If I get the green light for this story I’ll go there as well, I’ve never been. I chose the location —well, that’s a story for another time isn’t it? 😉
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
You left me wanting to read more! I liked the beginnings of the relationships with all the women, and also a summer spent with family. Takes me back to summer vacations spent with all my cousins and aunts.
Also, I’m envious of how compelling your first chapter is, as many others have said. I always just sort of pick someplace as close to the start of the action and go, but I feel like it’s not as fully realized, at least in the first draft, as this was.
Thanks, Abby. I’ve worked this to death, so to speak. I consider this a first draft but it wasn’t the first thing to flow out. That stuff is unreadable!!
🙂
Amy!!!!
I love this. I so want to read more. I love stories about women’s relationships and I got a sense of them right away.
Thanks for sharing this with all of us!
Annie,
Thank you so much! Sometimes characters are so inside our heads it’s not easy to get them out. They’re comfy and cozy in there, I guess. <3
I’ll just say one thing: You leave me wanting more!
Thank you so much, Alejandra!
OMG, I love that house! Just reading that description has made my morning. I’ll be thinking about it all day.
There is a lot to like here — the connection of two generations, the dilemma of a 36-year-old woman hitting the reset button, what promises to be a wonderful setting (already familiar with South Haven).
One thing I would have wanted more of is tension in your narrator. I know the last line indicates that she feels no guarantees about the success of staying at her grandmother’s place, but, for me, I would love a bit more unease. This might be revealed through more on what Clark did or what was wrong with him — I don’t know. It’s your story after all. Nothing here would stop me from moving to the next chapter, though.
T.,
Thank you for the thoughts…they’re good ones! I am always a writer who has to go back in and add the tension and unease, as that doesn’t come easily for me in writing or in real life.
That’s when I dig out my GO TOO FAR motto. Blowing it off the page to me usually makes something just about the right size for the reader. (And why is it I can see that in someone else’s work, but not always in my own?)
Good call!
Amy 🙂
The only reason I think I see it is because I am attempting the same thing with my own work. For me, it’s modulation. In early drafts of my WIP readers said my protagonist was put under too much pressure. They wanted to see a glimmer of hope or something positive. Now that I’ve backed off I hope I haven’t done so too much.
Amy, I read your first scene last week. Time got away from me but…you words lingered. “I looked at the women as if they possessed one giant, collective heart.” Beautifully said!
You have nailed the senses in order to place the reader in the center of the room. And you reminded me of a girlfriend who lined her hallway with photos of boyfriends past…all faceless. It made a great talking point.
Good luck and thanks for your tireless contribution to WFWA.
Thank you so much, Leslie! <3
Forgot to mention…the mention of the missing Golden Retriever has also lingered.
I’m in for the long run.
I just read your opening chapter of The Last Bathing Beauty and my first thought was, “I know these women!” Having spent many, many summers in South Haven your visual description of the home, and the women, is spot on!! And, the cutting out of the photos of the boyfriend is classic. I can laughingly tell you that my after my parents divorced my late grandmother cut my mother out of every single photo she had in her house. Which made it very “interesting” when looking at the four 24 x 36 framed Bas Mitzvah pictures from each of our individual celebrations. Now, in my mother’s place is my great aunt’s head placed onto my mother’s body (hehehehe!) in a “crude manner” that was pre-PhotoShop. Boop and her friends remind me so much of my late grandmother’s Mahjong group. And, interestingly, right before I read your pages, I had just been to a Mimouna last Saturday and being the “youngest” in the room of mostly women in their 80s, I heard their stories of youthful celebrations in Morocco and searched their faces for the young women they once were. I can just visualize that Boop and her friends will have their own stories to tell and am excited about reading what is revealed. I am also looking forward to learning more about Hannah’s relationship with Boop and those memories. It has to be a strong loving one based on the affection Hannah shows early on (and to the other women who were there for her for 30 years!) as well as the fact that she sought “refuge” with her rather than continue with friends. Everything you have written is wonderfully relatable!! Amy, the world you created for Hannah to step into is enough to keep me reading!
Big hug, Debra! <3