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You are here: Home / Amy Sue Nathan / In Writing And In Life, You Have To Be Able To Bend

In Writing And In Life, You Have To Be Able To Bend

May 3, 2012 Leave a Comment

For the first time in over a year, today’s author interview did not work out as planned.  [Collective Gasp!] A jumble of small miscommunications, perhaps.  Or maybe one big snafu.  Anyway, I was knocked off kilter by the whole thing. I was disappointed more by the fact that the schedule was interrupted (I am a crazy creature of habit) and that the continuity and consistency of Women’s Fiction Writers would be compromised, than that this new-to-me author didn’t answer my interview questions and kept me hanging until, oh, 7pm Wednesday night.

And then I realized that this was just another one of those things. Life is full of them.  As is writing.   And so my advice to myself was simply: bend.

Bending doesn’t imply weakness, it implies flexibility.  I can pop right back to where I started or take on a whole new shape.  And this makes me think about my book, THE GLASS WIVES (which had a different title until this perfect one hit me last summer) and how I resisted certain suggestions by my agent Jason Yarn when we’d just stepped off the curb into our agent/author relationship.  I soon realized that making those changes didn’t even mean those changes had to stick (but of course they did). I saved all my deleted parts and if version 1 was better than version 7 (which face it, it never is, but work with me here, it’s an example) then it’s my decision which version anyone ever gets to read, especially in those very early stages. What I realized back then with Jason, was that listening — really listening — employed my deepest personal resolve.  I had to trust myself enough to let go a little. I had to be flexible enough within the confines of my own personal character — to take suggestions on something as personal as my writing.

I’ve since grown accustom to bending, to shaping and reshaping my manuscript with suggestions from my rock-star, rock-solid editor, Brenda Copeland, even if a few of those suggestions made me think of things I hadn’t before.  I resisted the temptation to scream (in my head) ENOUGH!!!! because  I knew enough to bend with all my might. I knew full well that the choice was mine.  And that’s empowering.

When writing, the suggestion to bend and change our work somewhat may come from outside — but the real work and the real words come from inside.   And just like with other things in life, no one really knows how far they can go unless they try.  Look at me, I’m writing a blog post at 8pm on a Wednesday night.  For little-miss-obsessive-planner over here, this is very bendy. But, I figured that bendability (which doesn’t seem to be a real word — until NOW) has to apply to writing blog posts as well as novels. As well as life in general.

Amy xo

P.S. I do realize I was actually ditched by this author, but we’re not going there.  Instead…if you didn’t catch my post on Writer Unboxed on Monday about the great debut author group, Book Pregnant, bend your little finger right here and click! 

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Filed Under: Amy Sue Nathan, Writer's Epiphany, Writing Tagged With: Amy Sue Nathan, Women's Fiction, Women's Fiction Author, Writers Rejections, Writing, writing advice

Previous Post: « Debut Author Kimberly Brocks Says Trust Your Personal Writing Process And Expect It To Make You (A Little) Crazy
Next Post: Five Publishing Lessons I Learned On The Playground »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. MarinaSofia says

    May 3, 2012 at 1:46 am

    There’s a Japanese saying: ‘The reed that doesn’t bend in the wind gets its head snapped off’.

    Reply
    • Women's Fiction Writer says

      May 3, 2012 at 5:52 am

      That’s so true! Glad I didn’t “snap” last night!

      Reply
  2. Liz Flaherty says

    May 3, 2012 at 5:08 am

    I’m glad you were ditched today, even though we’re not going there, because this was a great post!

    Reply
    • Women's Fiction Writer says

      May 3, 2012 at 5:53 am

      Thanks, Liz. 🙂

      Reply
  3. Downith says

    May 3, 2012 at 5:13 am

    Great bending Amy! Going over to read your article now.

    Reply
    • Women's Fiction Writer says

      May 3, 2012 at 5:53 am

      Thank you! 🙂

      Reply
  4. Lori Nelson Spielman says

    May 3, 2012 at 5:54 am

    Would rather hear your musings any day, Amy. Thanks for staying up late for us.

    Reply
    • Women's Fiction Writer says

      May 3, 2012 at 6:05 am

      Thank you, my friend! 🙂

      Reply
  5. Densie Webb says

    May 3, 2012 at 6:18 am

    As Phoebe said once in a Friend’s episode, “I’m very bendy.” You are very bendy, indeed. I literally felt your panic, thinking about having to write an unplanned blog post on a Wednesday night, when you were likely tired, winding down, ready to call it a day. We all need to “Bend it like Beckham!” and make it around those trying to block our winning shots. And thanks for sharing your experience of, sometimes reluctantly, taking your agent’s editorial suggestions to heart. It’s tough to be flexible enough to really listen and objectively evaluate whether they benefit your story. You obviously exercised just the right amount of flexibility.

    Reply
    • Women's Fiction Writer says

      May 3, 2012 at 6:39 am

      Thanks, Densie. I think it’s always easy to go I to a rigid mode, so I welcome reminders!

      Reply
  6. katmagendie says

    May 3, 2012 at 6:27 am

    Well, that author’s loss because you are (to use a word that’s SOOOO over done but dang if it ain’t sometimes the most perfect word . . . ) AWESOME! 😀

    There was a bit of advice that my mother, of all people, said about Sweetie that completely changed that book -for the better. I almost didn’t listen. I mean, it was my MOM . . . and I heard it second-hand from my brother, not from her directly – but she had read a draft and said something to the effect that the first part dragged some. I thought, But but . . . I’ve already sent it to my editor! it’s DONE –Those chapters are needed! And I had JUST sent it to the editor with a big ole sigh of relief –

    I tossed on that all night, and the next morning I woke with a decision – my gut agreed with my mom and I had to admit I’d been angsting about that very thing and was trying to ignore it (never ever ignore that gut!). I emailed my editor and told her what I needed to do – she agreed – I deleted thousands of words – several chapters in the beginning and a couple at the end. I believe it saved the book.

    So sometimes even unbending and listening to your mom works out *laughing*

    Reply
    • Women's Fiction Writer says

      May 3, 2012 at 6:41 am

      xoxo Kat! And I hear you about cutting those pages. The beginning of my book was once — wait — page 100!!! And this go-round of edits I rewrote the current first page. That took two days and lots of bending. But darn, it’s totally better than before. Or so I hope.

      Reply
      • katmagendie says

        May 3, 2012 at 8:46 am

        I’m betting so! 😀

        Reply
      • Women's Fiction Writer says

        May 4, 2012 at 6:59 am

        You are toooooo sweet!

        Reply
  7. Chris Lorenzen says

    May 3, 2012 at 7:50 am

    I needed the reminder, Amy! Despite the ‘ditching’ all turned out well. Printing out a copy of this post so I remember it. thanks!

    Reply
    • Women's Fiction Writer says

      May 4, 2012 at 6:59 am

      I’m glad it helped, Chris. Helped me too. Ok, I was forced. But still… 😉

      Reply
  8. Holly Robinson (@hollyrob1) says

    May 3, 2012 at 8:09 am

    I think that sometimes the best writing comes right from our hearts, all in a rush, and this was a great example of that. Nice post, Amy. Oh, and my giveaway books arrived–thank you! I can’t wait to read them!

    Reply
    • Women's Fiction Writer says

      May 4, 2012 at 6:58 am

      You’re right, Holly…but I could definitely do without the angst!! 🙂

      Reply
  9. Karen Wojcik Berner says

    May 3, 2012 at 8:40 am

    I enjoyed this post a lot. I think we all need a flexibility reminder every once in awhile. Thanks for that. 🙂

    Reply
    • Women's Fiction Writer says

      May 4, 2012 at 6:58 am

      You’re welcome, Karen. It’s easy to forget, isn’t it?

      (What was I talking about? ;-))

      Reply
  10. erikamarks says

    May 3, 2012 at 9:03 am

    This is one of the best pieces of advice you can share, Amy, because it is SO true. I have come to LOVE getting feedback from my agent and my editor because I know it will make my work stronger and bring out elements I had not even imagined. It doesn’t mean a loss of control of tastes, just another sprinkling of spices to bring out even more flavor to your dish!

    Reply
    • Women's Fiction Writer says

      May 4, 2012 at 6:57 am

      I love that Erika! And now, I’M HUNGRY! 🙂

      Reply
  11. Melanie Thorne says

    May 3, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Sorry to hear you got ditched, Amy. But yay for bendability!

    Reply
    • Women's Fiction Writer says

      May 4, 2012 at 6:56 am

      Indeed. I think we’ve both had LOTS of practice. Dare I say, too much? 😉

      Reply
  12. Judith Starkston says

    May 4, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    What great timing that I stumbled across your post today. I’ve been taking a deep breath waiting for edited manuscript to arrive shortly and then dig in to lots of reworking. I’ve learned that the more I feel that inner pushback to a suggestion about my writing, the more I’m likely to get from exploring that new direction. I guess it’s the writer’s version of that ridiculous gym slogan, “no pain no gain.” Thank goodness for learning and growing!

    Reply
    • Women's Fiction Writer says

      May 4, 2012 at 7:31 pm

      How exciting! Good luck with your revisions!

      Reply
      • Judith Starkston says

        May 5, 2012 at 10:15 pm

        Thanks!

        Reply
  13. Jeannine Bergers Everett says

    May 6, 2012 at 11:47 am

    I’m still not great at being bendy (Densie, it also makes me think of Phoebe), so in the meantime I’ve have to practice being still. My first instinct is to defend, so my strategy is to only ask questions, and generally the questions have to start with “what” not “why” (what are you thinking doesn’t qualify). It forces me to focus on what the other person is trying to say, and then sort out my feelings later rather than letting them cut off the conversation.

    Reply
  14. beverlydiehl says

    May 7, 2012 at 10:09 am

    I haven’t been dumped by a guest blogger or interviewee (yet) but have had a few leave me hanging until the very last minute, so I’m biting my nails… There is lots and lots about this writing business that requires us to be bendy, a great reminder.

    Reply
  15. Nikki Owen says

    May 8, 2012 at 12:52 am

    Great way of turning a bit of bad news into a positive. Great post!

    Reply

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